What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
