So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
