Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
