you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
