I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im holly from the hills drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
