I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
