Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
