I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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