I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
