would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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