omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
