I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
