i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
