Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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