when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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