I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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