If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
