I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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