The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
