I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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