Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
