I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
