Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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