Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
