god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need a beard to bite.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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