You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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