It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
