apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
