I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
how drunk are you?
Several
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize