Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
