please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
