He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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