"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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