Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
