I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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