First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
