repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
