I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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