WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
