If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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