You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
