Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
