oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
