broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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