So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So many bounce houses so little time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
