I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize