driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
