You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
