She is in my trunk
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
