We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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