I like to think it a success when the cops are called
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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