Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
