I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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