Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
