were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
