yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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