weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
