why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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