Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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