i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
