I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
