so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
