They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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