if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
