does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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